It’s quiet at Bad Ass Bunny headquarters, too quiet. As a matter of fact nothing has been shaking since we did our last shoot back in October. At this point in time, I really felt that we would have completed the last big demonstration for the movie. As they say, if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans.

After the October shoot, I felt really good about our prospects for filming because I had scheduled two more big filming days with the Tu’s. I was going to go to their Ranch to film some brick and stone breaking during the first part of November. Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I was going to travel to Fremont to do some chain breaks. The reason we were going to do it in Fremont was there were a lot more experienced Qi practitioners to help with the demonstrations. The stunts would be dangerous and the Tu’s, rightly so, wanted to minimize the danger by having experienced people nearby.

I was excited. This was going to knock off six of our ten stunts. I had already done two. I was working on the particulars for the ice break as I noted earlier. This only left the big stunt to do in January. The film was locked.

The first note I had that something was amiss was when I talked to Mr. Ching. He noted his boss was not going to be around when the Tu’s were going to do the filming. How would that impact the filming? I’m sure we could shoot the stuff without her.

When I talked to the Tu’s later that week, they said they didn’t feel comfortable doing the demonstrations with Mr. Ching’s boss absent. The main reason was that were going to do the demonstration in her company’s parking lot.

Plus, Grandmaster Tu wasn’t feeling as if he were physically ready to do the demonstrations. He wanted more time to train before doing those particular stunts, which included having chains wrapped around his neck while he played the flute. No matter how much I wanted to shoot these performances, I didn’t want to see Grandmaster Tu hurt. This made the decision not to shoot an easy one.

Since we were on the subject of not shooting, Grandmaster Tu decided he wanted his retreat center to be further along the road to completion before we do any shooting there. He has some big murals planned for the fences around the property. He’d like to do the shooting in front of them. This meant canceling the early November shoot day, as well.

Let’s just say I’m in the middle of a bit of a disappointment spiral as I wait for the stars to realign themselves in my favor. Which they should, because as of February 3rd, it’s the year of the Golden Hare. I figure if there is any year in which to complete this documentary, it should be the Year of the Hare.

It’s not all doom and gloom. I did drag the cameras out for the Asian American Expo at the Fairplex in Pomona, CA. I didn’t think any of it was right for the documentary but I could use the opportunity to show Grandmaster Tu, I could put together a little picture about his school.
Grandmaster Tu and his students performed six times over the course of two days. The class demonstrated the Yi Jin Jing and our steel brush exercisces. I could have performed but they didn’t have uniforms in my size. Plus, I wanted to shoot pictures.

Grandmaster Tu displayed several of his paintings. He painted atop egg shells and bent bars with his fist. He also did a little Iron Crotch demonstration by having one of his Texas students kick him in the groin three or four times.

I only have one thing on the schedule in the upcoming months. Grandmaster Tu will be doing a seminar in Yosemite in April. I plan to bring the cameras but I don’t how much of that will get into the film. I might do what I did for the Pomona Show and just make it into a short teaser for Grandmaster Tu to use on his website.

The seminar will be two days in the unheated Curry Village Tents. Those tents get mighty cold even in the summer time. Who knows what the temperature will be like in April. I do know that they run a special on those tent cabins in the Winter. The rate per day is a dollar for every degree it is above freezing. I wonder if that’s the rate scale we are using?

As far as the big stunt is concerned and when it will occur, that is anybody’s guess. The big problem Grandmaster Tu faces is getting people qualified to help him. It’s probably going to take at least eight people. And those people have to lift a minimum of 500 pounds to be considered. At the moment, I think the only person that meets those qualifications is Grandmaster Tu. This leaves us seven people short. But we shall see and time will tell. I hope it tells us good news.

Until then, I’ll be here cameras, at the ready.

The Hook

Naturally, I challenged Grandmaster Tu. One of the stunts on my lists of stunts to be filmed was ice breaking. This is a list the Tu’s supplied to me. Now, Grandmaster Tu hasn’t done an ice break in over a decade. When we were discussing the schedule of when we were going to film the various demonstrations, I got a lot of resistance on when to film the ice break. I got the impression that Grandmaster Tu didn’t really feel like doing it.

While we were having this discussion, we were also talking about my participation in the Iron Crotch classes. I joined the classes so I could have a modicum of empathy for the feats of strength and Qi that Grandmaster Tu demonstrates.

Well the discussion of lifting and ice breaking mated horribly in my mind and produced an unwholesome offspring. Mr. Ching was not at hand to stop me from speaking the idea that had blossomed in my mind.
I’d been lifting for a small while. I could lift almost fifty pounds. Which for me was an accomplishment beyond my greatest expectations. I volunteered to the Tu’s that if I could lift 100 lbs, he would break 1000 lbs of ice. And by lift, I mean by using Iron Crotch techniques.

When I started this project, never did I imagine that I would end up in this little cul de sac. Mr. Ching can only shake his head and laugh.

So, I started training and got up to 70 pounds. 100 pounds was well within my grasp. But then I took a job building sets on the Universal Backlot for a feature film. My appearances at the 99 Power Center became infrequent. It turns out that if you work ten hours a day doing construction, you really don’t feel like doing another two hours of exercise at the end of the day.

Also Grandmaster Tu was spending the months of October and November traveling around the country doing seminars and working on his ranch. On the odd moments when I would show up for practice, Grandmaster Tu would be in New York. While I was sitting at home watching the World Series, Grandmaster Tu was asking the Qigong class where was I.

Come December, my ability to lift was greatly reduced. The thought of lifting 50 pounds never mind 100 pounds gave me the chills.

The planets aligned. Grandmaster Tu and I were finally at the 99 Power Center at the same time. I was appalled to learn that we were going to have a progress test in the Iron Crotch room. Fortunately we never made it to the IC room for the test. Grandmaster Tu wanted to prep the whole class for a showcase event in Pomona in January.

I was off the hook. No test.

But Jenny translated something Master Tu said as I was heading out the door, “Twenty Days”.
I had twenty days left to make good on my promise. Oh, dear.

Basically I would have to start from about twenty pounds, which was what I could lift at the time and work my way up to 100. In twenty days.

I’ve fudged the time frame in my mind. I think Grandmaster Tu wants me to be ready by the day of the exposition which is on the 15th of January. This was actually 26 days from the time I was given the ultimatum. If Grandmaster Tu sticks to his twenty days pronouncement, I have until the 9th.

I’ve made trips to Big 5 and Sport Chalet to buy weights. I’m lifting every day. Yesterday, I lifted 67 pounds. Or basically I can lift two Olympic plates. I need to only lift one more plate. How hard can that be?

Every time I exercise, I hear Mr. Ching chuckle.

Let the documentary commence.

On Wednesday, we had a real live shooting day complete with Master Tu. It was fantastic, but the day could have started out better.

We’d scheduled this day over a month in advance because in the fall Master Tu travels the country doing seminars. In the month of September, he was in New York, Atlanta, Houston and Dallas. In between trips, he headed off to his retreat in Mariposa to continue building his center.

Yes, I was nervous that one of his more important activities would trump my need to film the documentary. But last Friday, I confirmed with their daughter Jenny, who minds the studio when they are away, that they would be back for the filming. Hurray.

I live in Southern California That’s where we are doing the majority of the filming. It never rains in Southern California in October. Never, never, no not ever, does it rain. Not even a smidgeon of a chance.

The weather report for Wednesday called for rain. Rain all day. That can’t be right. I have to film one of the demonstrations outside.

If the weatherman call for rain, though, it will never happen. Because the people who are least likely to predict the weather are usually hired to do forecasts on television.

It rained. I was watching the weather channel like a hawk to see if there would be a clearing by the afternoon. Not a chance. The clouds wouldn’t move out until Thursday. I drove to the studio peering hopefully south to see if I could spot a clearing. Nothing but black clouds for as far as I could see.

It rounded a perfectly dreadful morning, so why shouldn’t it rain as well? I went to exchange some light scrims, but they didn’t have the size I needed. The Smart and Final where I went to buy eggs was mysteriously missing, replaced by a Salvation Army store. There was tons of traffic as Southern Californian Drivers lost their minds over the precipitation. I also forgot to buy a watermelon. Let’s just say my adrenaline level was up to eleven.

Sandy asked me if were still going to be filming despite the rain. I said we wouldn’t do the outside stuff and would concentrate our efforts inside. I brought some coconuts as a back up demonstration to do, as well, if Master Tu agreed to try.

I decided to start with the painting demo. Sandy asked where were the painting supplies. Oops. I thought they would be supplying that. Another mark for me in the column headed worst documentarian ever.

Master Tu and Sandy rigged something up. Have I mentioned they are the most helpful people on the planet. It’s amazing how much of their time they are giving to me for the sake of this documentary. I’m sure they are counting the days until I say I have enough footage.

Young Jake Alvarado made the trek down through acres of traffic to help with the shooting. He again agreed to join me in my folly. He’s also the only person I know with an HD camera. But he shoots on tape! Beggars and choosers and all that.

We spent two hours shooting the various demonstrations. Some were successful. Some were less so. But I got a bunch of stuff I could use.

If things had gone according to plan, the evening Qigong class would have arrived at this time. But since we had dropped one of the demos, I had an hour to kill. I went over the Tu’s schedule for the next two months. We mapped out some days at the ranch and another shoot day at Fremont.

We also debated the ice block break. Sandy says Master Tu has doesn’t this stunt in a decade. I countered with the fact that he’s going to be pulling more than ten thousand pounds with his testicles. Breaking ice should be no problem. We went back and forth. I finally offered the devil’s bargain. If I lifted a hundred pounds using the Tu techniques, he would do the ice break. Deal made.

For the next two hours, we filmed the class beating themselves and getting beaten. I’m happy I know now what that is all about. I had the class do some of the demonstrations that Master Tu did early so we could compare. Also so it would be funny. It was.

The class also wanted to do some of their own performances. They bent more bars with their throats. We tried to do brick breaks but the bricks were having none of it. My translator, Mark, ended up with a very swollen hand.

When I first started doing the class in August, Mark was able to break two bricks. This Wednesday, all he could do was bruise his hand. He vows to do better when next the camera, the bricks and he come together.

My next goal is to catalog the footage and start doing rough assemblages. I’m starting to see where the film should go and I hope with more footage, the picture will become clearer.

Our next scheduled film date is the first week in November at Master Tu’s retreat in Mariposa. I’m hoping to kidnap Master Tu from construction projects and take him to North Dome in Yosemite.

I spent Saturday night interviewing Dr. Dharam Singh. I think I recorded only about thirty minutes of our almost three hour conversation. I really needed to hit the record button more often. Some of the the stuff I missed might have been better than what we recorded.

The reason I didn’t tape so much is because I would stop so we could over the answers to the questions to ensure clarity. Which led Dr. Singh and I into long conversations about Qi, Qigong, Iron Crotch and most importantly, Master Tu. I probably highlighted my ignorance by my questions, but Dr. Singh was gentleman enough just to keep the conversation going.

I met Dr. Dharum Singh at Master Tu’s studio where he teaches Jimmy Tu Mixed Martial Arts. I knew him there as Darrin. I made it a point to introduce myself after viewing the tape of him at the July 3 competition. At that event, Darrin bent eight steel rods with his throat. Then Master Tu broke four bricks on his back with a sledgehammer. He was going to be the perfect interview subject.

I gave Darrin my card after my Wednesday night class. I asked him if he would do an interview about Master Tu. He agreed but wanted to check his schedule before committing to a time.

Friday, I noticed that my cel phone wasn’t turned on. This would be the same cel phone that corresponded to the phone number on the business card I hand out when I ask people to do interviews. I flipped it on and of course there was a two day old message from Darrin asking if I would like to do the interview on Saturday. Since I got the message late on Friday night, I couldn’t call him immediately and schedule the appointment. I probably came across as the lamest Documentary film maker ever.

I finally called on Saturday around 9, four hours before he wanted to meet. The answering machine message I got was very strange. It was the office for some Dr. Singh. When I called the other number Darrin gave me, it was also for Dr. Singh. Who was Dr. Singh?

I went online to confirm what I began to fear in my heart. I googled the name I heard on the phone and sure enough I had the right number. It wasn’t Darrin. It was Dharam. And he wasn’t some MMA coach. He was Dr. Dharam Singh of the ShinBuShiKan Institute.

Fortunately, Dr. Singh overlooked the fact I was two days overdue in my return phone call and agreed to reschedule for later that night.

It was a great interview. I shot lots of footage that I can use in the documentary. I got soundbites about Qi and Qigong and especially about Master Tu. In between takes, Dr. Singh also talked to me about my own personal journey into Qigong. We might have had a mini break through in my acceptance of Qi as well. All and all, it went really well. I’m looking forward to adding it to the slowly growing sequence I have of edited footage.

This is also going to be a big week in another way. On Wednesday, Master Tu will perform the first three of the eventual ten stunts for the video cameras. I’m lining up a second camera man for the event. I spent the morning building a little wall for Master Tu to throw chopsticks through. I have to wash my car, because Master Tu plans to push it with a spear. Master Tu will push my 3800 pound GMC Envoy with the pointy end of the spear pressed against his throat. I have eggs to purchase for the painting demonstration and I have to call my insurance agent about my coverage because we are going to wrap Master Tu with chains and he’s going to break them.

It’s all very exciting. I can’t wait to film it.

It’s the last day of August. I should keep my streak going of blogging at least once a month. Unfortunately, that is all I’ve been blogging, once a month. But, I have news. News means I have something to talk about.
There has been slight break-through in the forward momentum of the documentary.

Come October, I will be able to shoot some more footage of the amazing Master Tu. The current plan is for him to do some painting, play the flute, and push my car with a spear. Granted to make it more fun, he will be painting while standing atop two cartons of eggs. He will push the car with the spear when the spear point is pressed against the soft spot in his throat. He’s also going to bend a bar by beating it with the back of his fist. He’s going to throw some chop sticks through a wall. With the wall, we’re going to start with drywall, progress through to wood, and hopefully put a few chopsticks through a piece of steel. I can’t wait to see that.

While I’ve been waiting to do more filming, I’ve enrolled in some Qigong classes in Arcadia. Yes, I’m now taking classes from Master Tu. I’ve been taking the classes three times a week for the past month. I have no idea what I’m doing.

On the one hand, the classes are incredibly complex. On many occasions, Master Tu has simply lectured for the majority of the two hour class. He’s talked about the six healing breaths. He’s demonstrated some Chinese Medicine techniques complete with wild herbs he picked himself. There has been a lot of talks about the meridians that course through the body and how they connect with the various organs.
Through it all, he’s peppered the talks with personal anecdotes about his life and his training. I heard stories about showdowns with people who have tried to steal the name of his clubs complete with mano a mano contests involving kicks to the balls. I’ve heard about Lao Tzu and the eight immortals. His discussions have quite the breadth to them.

When he isn’t talking, we are doing stretching and breathing exercises, putting into practice the things he talks about in his discussions.

From afar they don’t look that tough. You start with making circular motions of your arms while you visualize pulling Qi up from the earth and into your body. Then you stand in what’s called a horse stance. You shift your weight from left to right, all the while breathing in a very controlled manner. You touch the floor while you straighten your legs. You hold your breath. You make a move like an archer while turned to the side. You breathe some more. By the end of an hour of this, it doesn’t seem as easy as it looked from behind the camera.

Master Tu adds his twist to a Qigong regime by adding in some weight training. Behind the studio where we stretch and breathe is a set of modern weight lifting equipment you would find in any gym. Amongst the modern equipment are pieces that Master Tu has built. He’s hung several logs from a new portico he built behind the studio. The object is to toughen your self by slamming your body against the logs. There are rings hanging from the ceiling from which you can do sadistic push ups. Several stands have bean bags on them which you hit to strengthen your hands. It’s quite the complete workout adventure.

I’ve also taken the plunge into the world of Iron Crotch. Once or twice a week, the men take a break from the class and head off into the Iron Crotch room leaving the women behind to continue their Qigong practice.
Iron Crotch or Jiu Jiu Shen Gong is Master Tu’s special brand of Martial Arts and it’s deceptively simple. We do some stretching. We massage our legs. Then, we take silk and Nylon clothes and attach to our manhoods. We use the clothes to lift weights.

On the one hand, it’s very embarrassing. On the other, it’s stupidly competitive. Sure you’re naked from the waist down with a pair of modified shorts covering your privates and you are surrounded by other men in similar straights of undress. But those other guys are lifting so much more than you are lifting. In some cases ten times as much as you. And they are older than you. And they are in better shape than you. It’s enough to cause you to shrivel right up.

If I had my way I wouldn’t go near that room unless I had a camera in my hand. But since I am there, I am not going to be the weakest guy in the room when it comes to lifting with my penis. My brain is still trying to reconcile these two competing thoughts.

I’ve taken in quite a lot of knowledge over the course of the last few months. But I have the sneaking suspicion I’m only getting about a tenth of the information I should. It all comes down to language.

As part of the class, I get a translator. But these are not paid translators. They are merely students who have been elected to help out. And bless them for that. But it’s a tough job for them. Not only are they trying to understand Master Tu’s lectures, but they have to take these thoughts and put them in a different language than the one they are used to. If the lectures become too esoteric or they don’t know the English translations for some of the Qigong terms, the whole learning process breaks down. It’s easier for the translator to just listen and throw off a few bits of information, rather than keep everything current.
I’m glad I’m learning what I am learning. But I feel a whole bunch is slipping past me.

It’s also worse when Master Tu tells stories about me and I don’t get the translation of what he is saying. I know the stories are about me because he points at me and says my name. Then, the whole class turns to look at me. Usually there is laughter involved. I think the translators are too polite to tell me what exactly Master Tu said.

A couple of the stories had to be about my trip to Master Tu’s ranch to help him build his compound in Mariposa County. It started off innocently enough when I heard Master Tu wanted to build some stands for plants.

Master Tu wants to build a garden for medicinal plants on his property in Arcadia. He needed to build some shelves and I volunteered to help. Somehow this got misconstrued into me asking if I could help at his ranch property. Don’t ask me how. I did help with the garden project but this turned into helping him build the supports for the hanging logs and punching bags.

I drove up to his property on a Friday with my dog, Maeve. Bringing Maeve was another item in the list of mistakes I made that weekend.

Since I tend to leave early and drive fast, I arrived far in advance of the Tu’s. I think I arrived about an hour after the Tu’s were supposed to leave Los Angeles. Let’s just say I had some sitting around time.
Maeve was thrilled by the ranch. She spent the first couple of hours collecting ever burr know to man in her fur. The challenge for the rest of the weekend was removing them while she collected more. She found ponds of water that were full of rich thick mud. After one escapade in the water pond, she looked like she had put on commando paint and was heading off for deep recon in the bush.

I don’t know what the Tu’s thoughts were about Maeve, but they were gracious in their welcome. They had two cats who were very plain in their dislike for the monster in their midst. Maeve’s motto is “If it moves, I will chase it” The cats were unaware of this new rule.

I was given a spot in the communal room on the first floor. If I had brought a sleeping pad and a pillow, it would have been very comfortable. For some reason, I figured bedding would be supplied. I figured wrong. Maeve was kind enough to let me use her blanket to sleep on. I made a pillow out of my T-Shirts.

Meals were conducted in Chinese complete with a cornucopia of Chinese dishes I had never seen before. Which is good, because I am very finicky eater and love to try new things. Or not. Maeve spent a lot of time under the table during meals. Again, I don’t know what the Tu’s thought of this, but they were gracious.

The project for the weekend was a fence covering the front of the property and the installation of the main gates. I did try and help out with my knowledge, but Master Tu had a plan and we followed it. By Monday, we had most of the posts in place and painting had commenced. Master Tu and his family would come on subsequent weekends and finish the fence.

The one thing that was clear from the weekend at the ranch is that Master Tu and his family are very hard workers. If it was light out, there was work to be done. They must have dug at least twenty five post holes through a lot of rock strewn ground. Mrs. Tu spent her weekend with the weed whacker clearing acres of brush. If the Tu children weren’t hauling boards around, they were out jogging. I spent a lot of time sweating and trying to catch my breath.

Hopefully, I will get back to the ranch to do some filming of Master Tu in the natural environment. They are going back up this weekend but I have plans.

But we have a date for filming and now I can worry about that. It’s only slightly better than worrying about not filming at all.

Stay tuned.

I’m a bad blogger. What can I say? But just because I’m not posting blogs doesn’t mean the Documentary has ended. It continues, although at a glacial pace.

One of the problems is the screenplay. It’s actually the biggest problem. Before we can start up production, I must write down what we are going to film.

Well, how hard could that be? It turns out it’s pretty hard. Where do you compress the story of Master Tu and his Iron Crotch techniques?

In the beginning, I thought I could just film Master Tu doing what Master Tu does, throw in some background material and voila, I would have a beautiful documentary that makes the rounds of festivals and wins lots of awards.

Well, I know what Master Tu is going to do. That’s the easy part. As a matter of fact, I have a list of the his performances sitting here on the desk mocking me as I type. It’s just all the stuff surrounding the Master Tu performances that is holding me up.

One of my weaknesses is my lack of knowledge of what Master Tu teaches in his classes. How do you learn to pull a truck with your penis?

To that end, to the learning part of the equation, I have enrolled in Master Tu’s Qigong and Iron Crotch classes. As of today, I have taken two Qigong classes and one Iron Crotch class. I didn’t have the requisite skirt for the first Iron Crotch class, so I was just an observer. That will all change tonight.

I spent Friday removing the seams on an old pair shorts in preparation. Yes, Cindi is constantly looking at me as if I have lost my mind. But if you have to suffer for you art, I am prepared to suffer. At this point it’s mostly embarrassment I suffer.

The flip side of attending the classes is that I have broken my writers block a modicum. I have ideas again of where the movie should go and I am committing those to paper.

The filming aspect of the documentary hasn’t ground to a complete halt. Over the fourth of July weekend, Master Tu held an Iron Crotch competition at his school in Aracadia. Naturally, I was out of town that weekend. But I did hire Emmy Award Winning Producer and Filmmaker Matthew Wolff to film the event. He shot lots of great footage of which I will show you a modest amount. There is some really good stuff here and you will just have to wait for the movie’s release to see it.

That being said, there is still the usual Master Tu awesomeness. People lifting hundreds of pounds with their testicles. Nice woman getting iron bars shoved into their throats. Classmates standing on other classmates. And it wouldn’t be a Master Tu class if he wasn’t hitting somebody with a baseball bat. Enjoy. I need to go write.

Why make a documentary about Master Tu?
After you get beyond the Iron crotch thing at the ten minute mark, what else is there? Well, that’s why I am making a documentary.

On June 12, 2010, Master Tu did a demonstration at the Tiger Claw Championships in San Jose, CA which shows why anyone would want to make a movie about him. He broke bricks. He bent a steel pipe with his forearm. He flattened the end of the pipe with the back of his hand. To finish off, he stood on twenty four eggs in order to do a quick painting.

It would be impressive if he did one of those things. He did all three all within the span of seven minutes. Most of those minutes were taken with him standing on Eggs.

Fortunately, I was doing the webcast for Kung Fu Magazine and had four cameras on him during the entire performance. You can see him from every angle, including the ones where the spectators stand in front of the camera. Enjoy.

For more videos of martial arts and martial arts master, you should go to the Tiger Claw Championship Webcast

More importantly, Master Tu will also be there doing one of his signature stunts. It’s one of the cool ones on my list. The only problem, every one with a camera will be there video taping it as well. It kind of cuts down on the exclusivity if everyone can see the event on YouTube rather than seeing it in my movie. What are you going to do?

It also marks the official start of production. Two weeks after this tournament, will be Master Tu’s own tournament. I have made arrangements for a videographer to be there to cover the activities.

We have one sticking point at the moment. The Tu family is still dissatisfied with the contract. I had an email exchange with Chi-To about the points in the contract I thought needed to be changed to better accommodate them. I have yet to hear back about what we need to change to get them to sign.

Unfortunately, and probably wisely, Sandy Tu doesn’t feel comfortable with going forward and filming until the contract is straightened out. This why I stayed up late after work going through the contract line by line and looking for places to change to get the signing done. I need to get the contracts signed so I can film Master Tu at the Shark City Nationals without any trepidation.

He’s also going to be doing some Iron Crotch classes up in Fremont. I’ll be staying at my parents a few extra days so I can film those as well. This might be the closest I can get to an Iron Crotch class without actually getting on a plane. Once again, the contracts stand in the way. But I think we can work it out.

The other problem with going forward is I went back to work at my day job as a carpenter in the film industry. I’m working on the sequel to Tron, Tron Legacy. If you were alive in the 1980‘s, you might remember the original. Since we were still kind of waiting to start filming, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a few dollars coming in during my down time. Plus, how many hours could they work me?

It turns out the crew was behind and we worked twelve hours a day, every day. I was hoping to only work ten hours a day. This crew usually does that. But they are under new management and the new boss likes to work the full boat, as it is called. I’ve been squeezing in the email correspondence in as best I can, but I could do more if I got off work a few hours earlier.

I did get a message from Julie Tu saying they were still looking over the contract. She also mentioned that famous brother, Jack Tu was in town. Jack has been spending the last year in Asia as Jackie Chan’s disciple. They were all going to be here for the next four days.

My cell phone received this message on Saturday while I was up North for my nephew’s graduation. I only got the message this morning. Contradicting what their mother had mentioned, Julie said I might be able to come over and film all of them training. I called to say, yes, please. But they were all out of the house.

I’m considering blowing off work one day this week so I can do some filming of the mighty Tu’s in action. It’s time to build up the b-roll stock pile. Of course, I don’t want to do anything against Sandy’s wishes, but if they are offering to film. I’ll be there.

They tell me it makes you feel better

I’m planning on hiring a musician to score the documentary. I put up an ad on Craigslist and within a day I had at least twenty responses. When I told the respondents that I had no money and that their prices were far out of my range, most agreed to help work within my budget. And it wasn’t like these were nobodies locked in their closets with their Keytars and an internet connection. They all had websites and samples to which I could listen. I think I’ve narrowed it down to four, one of whom is in Chicago. He seems to be the most enthusiastic of the lot. Without the internet, how would I have gotten in contact with all these talented people?
The T-shirts are coming. If you have a logo, you have to put it somewhere. For some reason, I have a great joy in seeing my logos on shirts.

When I worked on “Dreamgirls”, I was responsible for coming up with the design for the construction crew shirt. The design was so popular that everybody on the production crew wanted them too. I remember making the prototypes on my ink jet printer and then ironing them on to some cheap shirts I bought at Target. I originally made them for fun but when my boss saw him, he wanted them done professionally to hand out to the crew. This is where I found the company that’s doing them for Bad Ass Bunny Productions.

The logo was a bit of a struggle since it was a little too detailed for the T-shirt and had too many colors. Well, it didn’t have too many colors, it’s just that each color costs an additional $50. My cash reserves dwindle rapidly. The first batch of shirts should be in this week. I’m still waiting to hear back from the Customink people about the big batch.

Sure, T-shirts and logos and magnets are all well and good, but aren’t you supposed to be making a documentary of some sorts? Shouldn’t you be filming Master Tu doing fabulous things?
I’m sure Master Tu is doing fabulous things. He’s just not doing them where I am. Most of his Iron Crotch students are in different states. That is why he is constantly flying around the country to visit them.
On his website, I saw that he held Iron Crotch classes every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. So, when he returned from his trip to Texas, I figured I would go to his first Monday class and film it. The snag in this scenario is that I am back to having a day job. On May 3, I started work on the reshoots of the movie Tron Legacy. I am as surprised as you are. After working a ten hour shift on Wednesday, I made myself drive over to Arcadia to at least video tape some Iron Crotch exploits. My big fear is that my day job will leave me too tired to pursue my nascent film job.

Unfortunately, Master Tu doesn’t have students locally at the time. There was no Iron Crotch class. I made do with filming the Qigong class. I stood at the back so I wouldn’t disturb the class and got pictures of the backs of a lot of people’s heads.

After the class, I talked to family friend Chi-To. Since he speaks English very well, it has kind of fallen to him to be the family translator. He voiced the concerns they had about the contract I had presented to them. Basically, the contract states that I own everything about Master Tu in perpetuity. For some reason they found fault with this statement. I can’t imagine why.

Although in my lawyers defense, she was trying to get me the best deal possible. If they had signed it, then yes, I would have basically owned Master Tu.

I tried to allay their fears by telling them that this was the beginning of the bargaining and that my main goal was to film Master Tu. They are going to get back to me.

Chi-To also wanted to get a list of things I wanted to film Master Tu doing. The list was much shorter than I anticipated. After I sent it though, I found plenty of more things I wanted him to do. Did you know that Master Tu will perform acupuncture on himself? Of course you don’t. I haven’t filmed it yet.

There is one big event coming up for Iron Crotch enthusiasts. On July 3, participants from across the United States will descend on Arcadia, CA to compete in an Iron Crotch competition. Everyone that Master Tu knows that can lift heavy things with their testicles will be only ten miles from my abode. In a clever quirk of scheduling, I will be on a cruise ship with my parents.

Originally, the cruise was going to be a week earlier. But my sister could only get away at this time. We shifted the dates to accommodate her schedule. Thinking back on this only makes me a little bit angry.
When I first heard about the tournament, it was to be held on July 4. I was supposed to fly back on that day. I changed my flight at an exorbitant cost so I could at least get back for some of the of tournament. I was told later that the tournament would actually take place on July 3. I will still be at sea. The Tu’s keep looking at me in amazement when I tell them I won’t be able to attend what could have been the cornerstone of the film. I am currently trying to wrangle some additional videographers to attend on that day. I am so far 0 for 2. It turns out people have plans for the July 4th weekend.

Tomorrow, I attend my Glidecam class. The Glidecam is the poor man’s Steadicam. Poor is the wrong word. Think of it as the millionaires version of the billionaires Steadicam. Hopefully, I will learn to keep my camera steady without it jumping around like a wild beast. My results so far have been on the low side of satisfactory. Hopefully the money I have invested in the Glidecam system will prove wise after the class, too.

Sometimes you get lucky

More books fell under the relentless onslaught to overcome my lack of knowledge. I also saw movies to help fill in the blanks in my cinematography knowledge. Basically, the library needed a bunch of the books back or they were going to fine me. In one, case they did just that.

I was going to return “Instant Health: The Qigong Workout” by Shifu Yan Lei. Shifu Yan is an actual Shaolin monk now living in England. What’s Shaolin got to do with Qigong? Well, everything. Shaolin is the fount of many things, including Qigong, Chan Buddhism, and of course Kung Fu. I was originally just going to send this book back unread because it was overdue and I still had plenty of books to plow through. Since I had it, I decided to leaf through it. I am sure glad I did.

It was one of those nice books written for westerners who are in over their heads. Hey, that sounds like me. It will probably be the motto under my picture. It had pictures and everything. I learned about the eight treasures which are movements you need to do to practice QiGong. I learned the stances. I learned about special breathing from the abdomen. It reminded me of breathing for Choir practice. If I had the book here, I could whip out some of the names for your edification. Fortunately, my good friends at Amazon will be sending me that book early this week.

The book was good because it went over a lot of the basics and it didn’t have lot of Qi talk. I’m still having a hard time with the concept of Qi. Me and my stupid western upbringing. Although, if I can get Master Tu to pull off the big stunt using his Qi, I will be swayed.

The second book was “The Multi Orgasmic Man” by Mantak Chia & Douglas Abrams. I believe Mr. Ching recommended this opus. This book came at the practice of Iron Crotch from a sexual angle. There was a lot of talk about Sexual Kung Fu. On the one hand they did talk about the exercises you need to do to strengthen your crotch. On the other hand they talked a lot about self-play to help better focus your practice. I guess you do need to practice a little Onanism to strengthen those muscles, but I was unprepared for such a frank discussion. They also referred to the practitioners as the Multi-Orgasmic Man as if it was some badge of honor you could win. Again, I did learn a lot. I learned things I didn’t think I was going to learn. There were also detailed drawings of the male and female reproductive organs that I hadn’t seen since ninth grade Sex Ed class.

I might be getting exposed to more than I anticipated with this movie. The MOM book opened my eyes to the fact that Iron Crotch practice is more than just lifting weights with your testicles. I think they have been discussing this aspect of the practice to me, I’ve just been filtering it out. Thanks to MOM, that will no longer occur. I’m also looking at an NC-17 rating for my documentary.

The videos I saw were about Cinematography. One I had spotted at Film Tools over in Burbank called Cinematographer’s Style. It was done by Kodak and Arri. They had over a hundred well respected cinematographers speak in sound bites about how they got started, what they do and what is style. They had everyone from Gordon Willis to a hundred guys I didn’t know. It was inspiring to hear people talk about their craft and what they do. But my hope was to get a little more practical advice. If you put the light here and set your aperture 2.8, you can never go wrong.

The film had a couple instances of people offering advice. Bernardo Bertolucci’s DP talked about lighting for different moods for Last Tango in Paris. An other mentioned different feels you can get with different lenses but the same framing. Gordon Willis mentioned he didn’t like lights at all. See? I knew Bertolucci. I can’t name his DP.

When I was looking for reviews of Cinematographer’s Style, I kept getting mentions about another film called “Visions of Light” The reviewers said this film was much more practical than the first. Since, Netflix had both films, I got both films. I’m sure Cindi would have preferred to watch something a little less techie for the evening. Which is why I started watching the films when she was out with the dogs.

“Visions” was exactly the same as “Style”. More Cinematographer’s theorizing about what they do without actually showing you what they do. Only “Visions” actually had clips of the movies. It was more of a history lesson about cinematography in films. Again, inspirational. Again, looking for where to put the lights. Maybe I’ll just put them where I want them and start a revolution with a new original half-assed lighting style. “Visions” even had the same Cinematographers as talking heads. Although they all looked much better since “Visions” was done fifteen years ago. Gordon Willis has not aged well.

Gordon Willis, for those who don’t know, was the cinematographer on “The Godfather” films and did a lot of work with Woody Allen. At one point, they referred to him as the Prince of Darkness because he doesn’t use a lot of lights in his films. Which is funny because I worked with another DP on “Angels and Demons” who had the same moniker for the same reasons.

The Tu’s return from their Texas jaunt today. I am so happy. I want to go to their Iron Crotch class and either put my fears to rest or start getting used to a lot of graphic depictions of mens’ privates. It’s time to start moving forward by taking pictures.

Why a picture of Jackie Chan for this post? Why not? I need new pictures for every post and this is what I had. Plan on seeing more dog pictures in the future.